Being a Professional Dominatrix with a Disability

I am a pretty darn good Dominatrix.

It doesn’t matter whether I’m playing for fun with play partners, paid professional work in a real-time scenario, or online sessions with clients – I’m good. I also happen to be disabled. Now, this doesn’t detract from my abilities, my kink, nor the way I conduct my sessions – whether they’re online or in person. However, it does seem to impact my clients.

So, let’s have a conversation.

From time to time I’ve had clients hold off on messaging me, requesting custom content, asking for sessions, or tributing because they know I’m going through a bit of a bad spell. After a time, this becomes a problem.

The thing is my health changes a lot on any given day, and that’s perfectly fine. Sometimes I can beat someone up for two hours solid, but sometimes I can barely lift a cane. There is a very good chance that my ability to move or function will change multiple times within 24 hours, and by the next day, I’ll be able to move again.

If I decide to take a session with someone, I’m not going to injure myself – I know my body well enough to know when to stay home, and when to spend hours in a dungeon. Though, I’ll never say no to a good foot massage if a client requests a foot-based session. I’m also not going to double up in pain during a session, that’s a privilege I allow my clients.

The only difference between myself and another Dominatrix is that I might need to reschedule or postpone something until a later date. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m incapable of sessioning that day, camming, or producing content. It just means that I would be comfier if the session happened when my pain/symptoms are a 4 instead of a 7/8. To this day, I’ve not had to reschedule an in-person session, and I’ve only had to rearrange a few cam sessions.

I know my body, and I know when I can work, and when I need to rest.

My Relationship with Pain

Due to my health issues, I know a lot about the body’s relationship with pain. I’ve studied medical texts extensively. Not only for fun, but to gain a deeper knowledge about pain, the body, and the mind. If anything, I would argue that I have a perspective in understanding clients with long term health conditions.

I know that being kinky and disabled does not make you invisible. I encourage the disabled kinky clients I meet after their kink. In these scenarios, I encourage them to message me, tell me what they’re worried about, and I’ll talk to them about what’s the best way to fulfil their fantasy.

Ultimately, clients don’t need to wait to order a custom, request a session, or message. The reality of being a Dominatrix with a disability or chronic health condition is that I’m not going to get better. This is my job, and this is how I pay my bills. I’m fine with it – well, more than fine, I love my job. It allows me to relax about money whilst also having fun.

If you’d like to learn more about the intersection of sex work and disability, check out one of our associated sites: TheRubyUmbrella.com